


Magical Robot Unicorns Attack!

by Jarffe



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Candy Canes, Explosions, Pranks, Robots, Unicorns
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-10
Updated: 2013-10-10
Packaged: 2017-12-29 00:52:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,246
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/998910
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jarffe/pseuds/Jarffe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Darcy commands Loki to make her a unicorn. Loki thinks this is a waste of his talents and refuses until Tony says he can create a robotic unicorn that would be way better than anything Loki could conjour up. Loki accepts Tony's challenge and Darcy films the resulting madness.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Magical Robot Unicorns Attack!

**Author's Note:**

> An old one from the kink meme that I refound. Yes it's crack. No I don't know what I was think of when I worte it.  
> [ http://norsekink.livejournal.com/7418.html?thread=14979578#t14979578 ](http://norsekink.livejournal.com/7418.html?thread=14979578#t14979578)

Fury drummed his fingers on the table. He gave the three troublemakers in front of him his most vicious look. The one that promised that retribution would be paid in blood with torture thrown in for kicks and giggles. 

Unfortunately Tony was the only one affected, he looked like he might create an anti-Fury weapon and sleep with it under his pillow for ever. However Loki was filing his nails; one had gotten chipped in the fight. And Darcy was trying to copy Fury’s glare and had modified it to include looking over the top of her glasses, stupid people with two eyes (though he would totally rock a monocle).

“Will any of you explain what happened?” The three tried to give Fury the most innocent looks possible. Loki’s may have included an actual halo. Nonetheless the director was going to get an answer to why the president, the joint chiefs, the head of the FBI and Nick’s 5 year old niece would not stop calling to demand an explanation. 

“It was his/her fault” The trio chorused pointing to someone else.

Fury upgraded his glare to include promises of horrible missions in the sewers which caused them to miss the weekly poker tournament. 

After many furtive glances at each other Darcy volunteered an “It’s complicated”

“Darcy” Nick ground out. “You will start at the beginning and tell me what happened or else I will never give you back your phone.”

“You shouldn’t have stolen it in the first place!” The glare from before returned to her face. 

“DARCY”

“Fine.” She sighed.

“I was in the rec room at the avenger’s house watching TV. Minding my own business. Doing nothing suspicious and not waiting for 11am so I could go down to the training rooms and watch Steve and Thor fight each other shirtless. Mmmmmmm.” Darcy got a faraway look in her eyes and stopped speaking.

After Loki gave her a disturbed look he took up the tale. “I walked into the room and saw Darcy watching a strange cartoon on TV. She asked me if I could make her a horse such as the ones on the screen. I of course refused, it would be a frivolous use of magic.”

“You just used magic to conjure up a nail file!” Tony couldn’t help but protest. Loki ignored him.

“That was when Tony stumbled into the room, and stated that he could make one. Why Tony was outside listening to conversations about making garishly coloured ponies with horned heads I’m not sure. However Darcy then decided that we should have a competition to see if magic or science could make a better unicorn. As I was rather bored, I had already put into motion my one prank for the day, I said yes.” This was an actual rule, after the horrifying period directly after Loki had joined the Avenger’s it was decided that there should be some ground rules. The only ones they had managed to enforce were the one prank a day rule and to stop shape shifting into a woman and seducing Tony rule. Both of which Loki had been bribed into with Coulson’s baked goods.

Darcy shook herself out of the fugue state. “So I gave them a time limit of two hours and went down to the workout rooms. I’m not sure what was happening but I heard some explosions while I was there. I don’t think anyone else noticed but that could have been because of the very intense wrestling position that Thor and Cap were in. It involved a lot of skin contact. Why did you need explosions to make a unicorn by the way?”

“That wasn’t for the robot unicorn that that was because Bruce ran out of coffee and briefly tried to kill us”

“I had to knock him out with my superior magic”

“Hey I’m the one that did all the work. I shot him!”

“And now you have another hole in the wall.”

“ANYWAY. We knocked him out and locked him in a closet. So that way what all the noise was. ”

“Yeah sorry, my bad. I drank all the coffee this morning. So after two hours Thor and Steve’s fight was getting pretty boring. They were just staring deep into each other’s eyes rather than hitting each other. I went to go see who had made me the best unicorn.

“When I got to the rec room Loki and Tony were waiting for me with their interesting unicorns.”

“Mine was of course the best as it could fly and shoot laser beams. Also it was red and gold.”

“Mine was an actual unicorn. From the Forbidden Forest no less!”

“I couldn’t decide which one was the best so I said _hey why don’t they have a fight!_ And that’s pretty much it”

Fury rubbed his temples. He didn’t get paid enough for this. “And who filmed it?”

“Evil goblins who want to take down SHEILD. The evil goblin had stolen my camera earlier and filmed the whole thing and put it on youtube. Nasty, thieving goblins. Though they did give it back, until you guys stole it again”

Fury desperately tried to think rationally and sensibly to figure out what he was going to do. “You three are going to be in so much trouble-”

It was at that moment that the walls surrounding them spontaneously turned into gingerbread, the chairs into marshmallows, the desk into a choc-chip cookie and everything else (other than the people and their clothes) into various forms of candy.

“I must have forgotten the time. Good thing my prank was set on a timer.”

Fury just stared at Loki. This day could not get any worse.

A loud crunching noise could suddenly echoed through the house and the immortal words of “HULK SMASH" could be heard.

“Ah. I forgot we hadn’t checked to make sure he had turned back after we locked him in the unbreakable closet of doom.”

“The Hulk has interrupted our sparring match. We must fight together now Captain. Here have a sharpened candy cane!” Thor’s booming voice was unmistakable.

“Yes. Sparring. And the Hulk stole all our clothes!” Steve hollered in an almost embarrassed way.

“I sorta want to go see what’s happening. But I also really don’t.” Loki and Tony nodded in agreement. The trio staring at the closed door wide eyed.

“I could just teleport us all to the Forbidden Forest and we could see if we could catch a winged horse.”

“Can we ride them?”

“Sure”

“Please, my armour is a million times better than a winged horse.” Loki just grabbed Tony and Darcy’s arms and the trio disappeared.

Fury let his head thud onto the choc-chip cookie desk. This was why his original plan had involved brainwashing to form the Avengers, but noooo apparently that wasn’t ethically viable or something. 

He slowly pushed himself up and reached for a chocolate muffin that used to be paper weight. He considered it, it did look delicious and the last time Loki had turned his car into ice cream Clint had eaten it with no ill effects. He guessed just one wouldn’t hurt and he needed something to take his mind off the crashing and what sounded like the Hulk being hit with a giant lolly pop.

A goblin jumped onto his desk and grabbed the muffin out of his hand, stuffing it in its own mouth before grinning cheekily and disappearing into a corner.


End file.
